The long and winding road...

It's 5am and I am awake. This is pretty noteworthy. My husband left for work not long ago. He is working from 5am til 1 on a Saturday, doing something super exciting like screwing lids on bottles.

I'm very proud of him.

Oh, yeah, so, I'm married now. Have been for about 2 weeks.

The wedding went great. I managed to (mostly) not freak out and stick with my original ideas and everything came together incredibly well. It wouldn't have without a lot of help from family and friends, which I'm a very thankful for. It turned out just like we had wanted from the get-go, despite my best efforts to screw it up.

The honeymoon was wonderful, too. 5 days in a secluded cabin on the Ocoee River in Tennessee. It's beautiful there and very peaceful.

We've been back home for about a week and a half now. Ten days. Something like that. It's 5am, give me a break. The spelling correction is going nuts right now and I'm not that good at counting at a normal hour. Where was I? Oh, back home, ten days. It's been good. Cole has adjusted really well. I've been surprised. I expected more uncertainty from him, and there was a little the first day or two. But he is generally just very happy and excited about everything. He keeps saying things about being a family or B being around for always and it's always with a big grin. He talks about doing things in the future as a family and it's with certainty instead of just hope. It's actually very easy to tell the difference.

Cole has also given us permission to have a baby (or 13), as long as it's not a sister. He is pretty dead set against having a sister. Or a girlfriend. Which is okay by me. I have on my to-do list to find the local chapter of the He-man Woman Hater's Club and see if he can join. It would be okay by me if he didn't like girls for about the next 15 years or so.

Although, in about 15 years, I am probably going to start demanding that he get married and give me grandchildren. It's just a guess.

This has been a really long-winded, rambly was to say that life is good. Very good. And very different from where it was 10 months ago. If I had been told that things would change this dramatically, I would have never believed it. Occasionally I still don't.

God answers prayers, and He does so thoroughly.

My adventures as a single mom are over. I've learned a lot. It's made me a person that I am actually proud of and one I never thought I would be. Nineteen year old me would look at who I am now and be totally confused. Everything I thought I needed to be happy and I was working towards then aren't even on the radar now. My goals and dreams and who I am and desire to continue to be are actually things that I looked down on back then.

I can't tell you how glad I am about that. There just aren't words.

I'm off to have adventures as a wife, and as a mother. And, one day, after I've managed to clean my house and write thank you cards to all the people I'm very thankful for, I'll have some adventures as a blogger again.

I feel it, I feel it, I feel it running through my bones.

I know, I know... I've been ignoring you. I'm sorry. I want to pay more attention and talk to you, but honestly I've been busy. And I have a good reason.

Today is one month til the wedding. WooHoo!

Also... AAaaahhhhhh! I have lots to do.

I need more coffee.

I've got sunshine in a bag.

This picture of Cole is about 3 years old. He was 2 in it. It was taken the first Christmas we were in Mississippi.

I love this picture because of Cole's smile. It's his carefree smile, his totally elated smile. It's one you only see when he isn't worried about anything and everything in his world is easy and perfect.

It's one I don't see very often.

B moved here last Tuesday. Which I'm pretty happy about. It's just 6.5 short more weeks to wedding now.

I think Cole is pretty happy, too. Because that smile that I don't see very often? I've lost count of how many times I've seen in the the last week.

Oh, the weather outside is frightful...

Okay, that's it. I'm moving to Hawaii.

There is 1-2 inches of snow outside. I live in Mississippi. This isn't supposed to happen. And it certainly isn't supposed to keeping happening again and again. I'm filing a formal complaint.

Cole, of course, is ecstatic. I sent him out the door a few minutes ago, all bundled up. Oh, it's also about 12 degrees outside right now, which explains why all my water is frozen. We're not even going to discuss how I feel about that.

But, Cole. Cole is thrilled that there is snow and he is getting to play in it. All last night he was waiting for it to be this morning so he could go out. First thing he checked this morning was to make sure the snow was still there.

It is. Obviously I need to migrate further south.

Ch-ch-changes.

Tonight I managed to work on Cole's room for a while. I got his foldable clothes sorted out and cleaned out. And I cleaned paint out of the carpet. Sigh. Sometimes I wonder what goes on in his head. Sometimes I really don't want to know.

I need to vacuum. Argh.

I haven't written much lately. I have two excuses. The first is that I have been busy.

I've been cleaning out around the house and cleaning around the house. I've been shopping for and ordering lots of various wedding related things. I've been freaking out about the fact that I'm having a wedding in 8.5 weeks. Plus, I've been doing my normal stuff: working, Cole-tending, and trying to not go crazy. How's that going for ya'? Not so great, thanks for asking.

The other excuse is that this isn't a wedding blog. See the title? Adventures as a Single Mom? Weeeeelllll.... that's becoming less and less true, and in 8.5 weeks, it won't even be technically true anymore. I'm not entirely sure what to do about that. I could just change to blog title, I guess, but Adventures as a Married Mom somehow doesn't quite have the same feel.

They're coming to take me away, haha!

It's been a day. Not a particularly long day, but a day nonetheless. A day that makes me want to say "ARGH!" and curl up on the couch with a movie. Or five.

But instead I'm heading out to take Cole to tae kwon do class (which he doesn't really want to go to) after sneaking in a shower that I didn't really have time for and some internet that I definitely don't have time for.

I'm having delusions of running away and joining a circus right now. I'm also trying to decide what to make for dinner. After which I will be doing a major deep clean of Cole's room. Joy. That is, of course, provided I don't stumble across a circus while I'm in town.

I can dream, right?

Take out the papers and the trash.

I like magazines. They are fun. They are a light read... like I can sit down and flip through on in about 30 minutes or less. Usually less. They make the perfect companion to talking on the phone or watching TV.

Tonight, I gathered up all my magazines. There were some in the bedroom and some in the living room. I piled them up and took this picture.

And then, I took them all out to the trash can.

Because they are just magazines. It's not like they might have some secret of the universe in them or something.

One thing down. 3,541,232,694 to go.

Yakkity yak, don't talk back.

There's a kind of hush...

I should be in bed. But I'm not. I don't know why.

I took a 3.5 hour naps this afternoon. It was so wonderful. I don't think it has anything with my current nonsleepiness, but you never know.

Have I mentioned how much I love having my kiddo home? I love having my kiddo home. More Doctor Who watching today... and I even let him stay up an extra hour tonight to watch the last episode on the disc. All he's wanted to do is cuddle with me since he got home, and how do you say no to that? Two days and he will be running around like a hooligan trying to stick his finger in my ear.

Thanks, B, for teaching him to stick his finger in my ear, oh-so-very-much.

I've got bunches to do the next two weeks. Bunches like grapes. Spring cleaning is happening early this year. Time to start going through all my junk and tossing out those things I don't need and never use and have laying around just because it's easier than tossing them out. By the way, there's a lot of those things. I am a pack rat.

I'm hoping my early spring cleaning will motivate spring to start early. But I'm not holding my breath. Seriously, though, if it did, that would rock. I hate being cold.

Time to get my lazy self in gear. Actually, it's time to get my lazy self in bed so that I can get in gear tomorrow. Sigh.

It's me again, Margret.

Okay...

...but why?

You are my sunshine...

Cole's home. I'm happier than a clam... that isn't in chowder? Sorry, I just completely forgot how that phrase goes.

We had a good night. Hot chocolate and cookies and a game called Cariboo, which is pretty simple and fun. Simple is so the key to it staying fun, at least fun for me. And then we watch the Doctor for a bit... yay for Netflix!

He's asleep in his bed, in his very clean room. I finally got it clean yesterday, and now the majority of the floor space is taken up by a tent. He's pretty happy about that. Tomorrow we're going to pack up his train set and set up his Hex Bug Environment thingamawhopper that he got.

I'm sure the room will be a mess again by Monday, but I'm just not thinking about that right now. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not.

I tried to work on wedding planning tonight, but it just wasn't doing. In other news, I've decided that I want to shave my head and elope.
Don't tell B.

I'm the only one that fits you.

I don't like yellow gold. I don't like huge rings. I don't like open lace work. That being said, this is my engagement ring, which will also be my wedding band.

It's perfect.

...when earth collides with all the space between.

You know that update I promised? Well, it's time. And just because I'm in sort of a Quentin Tarentino mood, I'm doing it in reverse order. Trust me, it works better that way.

So this week, Cole has been gone to his father's. That's enough about that.

Last week was a normal week. Work, sleep, housework, work... Thursday was extra exciting because I ordered this dress that I'd had my eye on for a bit. But that's about all.

The week before that... oh, busy, busy. We spent the later part, the 5th through the 9th at my parents having a belated Christmas. My birthday was then, too. And my uncles and aunt came over. It was a good time. B got to meet more of my family and Cole was cracked out on sugar the WHOLE time. I have no idea how much candy he snuck (I know, that's not a word). I seriously need to clean out his toys. He already had too much and now he has waaaaaay too much.

Oh, yes, and New Years. Can't for get New Years. I did my usual didn't-do-anything for New Years Eve. Actually, I was working at the stroke of midnight. And I left work at 12:40, oh so ready to go home.

And then, I got a call. From B. And he told me to go back to work.

I couldn't figure out why he would say that. So, I asked, "WHY?!?". And he told me, "Because that's where I am."

I didn't understand that. He had to tell me about 5 times in all to turn around and come back. I had driven right past him when I left. I didn't really believe him until I pulled back in the parking lot and saw him standing there. I was pretty well in shock when I got out of my car, so you'll have to ask him if I greeted him appropriately or not.

And I got in his car. He had stopped by my place and grabbed clothes for me to change into, and stopped off for me to quick change. And then off we went. He refused to tell me to where and it took me a while to figure it out since he took the most backwards way possible. There is a dam in the area, and we've been out there before. So, he hauled me up the hill to the top of the spillway. And, yes, he kissed me.

Which was what I expected to happen after I finally figured out we were heading towards the dam.

But then, he got on one knee.

I didn't expect that.

And, yes, he asked me to marry him.

I'd actually had some witty remarks prepared for when this happened, you know, in six months or a year. I managed to forget every one of them. I barely was able to choke out, "Yes."

The adventured of this single mom are drawing to a close. Soon, they will be adventures of another sort.

Cole's uber excited. Oh, and so am I.

Open up your eyelids and let your demons run.

Today I failed.

And I don't leave things half done, so I failed thoroughly. 

Some days that happens.  It's not okay, but it still happens.  No matter how much  you know better and how much you do really want to keep it together, it still happens. 

And you know what you do?  You just keep moving.  Get up and keep on going.  Because the world doesn't stop turning, not even for a second.  So if you try to stop, you'll just get run over. 

Being run over sucks. 

You have forsaken all the love you've taken.

Sleeping on a razor there's nowhere left to fall. 

Your body's aching, every bone is breaking.

Nothing seems to shake it, it just keeps going on. 

Your soul is able, death is all you cradle.

Sleeping on the nails, there's nowhere left to fall. 

You have admired, every man desires.

Everyone is king when there's no one left to pawn. 

There is no peace here, war is never cheap here. 

Love will never meet it, it just gets sold for parts. 

You cannot fight it, all the world denies it.

Open up your eyelids and let your demons run.

I thread the needle through.

You beat the devil's tattoo.

I sleep alone, sweep the streets I used to roam.

We all need some time off.  Time off is good.  I just hate having mine enforced upon me. 

Cole is off with his father for a belated week of Christmas visitation.  I've been quite the emotional wreck today.  For now, I'm okay.  In the next five minutes, who knows.  I'm caffinated and showered, so that's helping for now.  I head to work in half an hour, which will keep me busy for the rest of the night. 

Later I'll tell all about what happened since my last post.  It's been too long since we spoke last and much has happened.  MUCH. 

But that's for later. 

I know this will be temporary...

Tonight, I am lazy. 

I've done stuff.  I made dinner.  It was chicken tenders and vegatables with cheese sauce, so not exactly a huge effort, but it counts!  I... hmmm.  I did other things, I'm sure. Cole and I watched some Doctor Who.  That boy loves the Doctor.  I'm so happy to be raising a geek.  I painted my nails... and then thoroughly messed them up and then took the paint off.  I'm considering repainting them, but that does seem like a lot of work. 

There is a spider in my house somewhere.  I'm trying to decide how much this bothers me.  Really, though, that seems like a lot of effort, too. 

I almost want to do stuff.  I guess it works better that I want things to be done, just not enough to do them. 

I do know that my Sirius radio trial in my car runs out in 6 days, and I'm not happy about it.  Rural Mississippi isn't really known for having an abundance of good, or even decent, radio stations that play remotely recent non-county music.  I call it "country music" only because that is what society calls it, but really, it's an oxymoron.  The problem with the Sirius radio is that they want money from you.  Which I don't have.  Not even a little bit.  So, I think I'm going to start a "Help Julie listen to good music" charitable fund.  Feel free to contact me for details on ho to contribute. 

There.  Now I've accomplished something.  

... over and over and over again...

One Christmas down.  Three to go.  I'm already tired.

We spent Christmas in Texas.  Which was great, except the leaving part.  We saw Tron, which was great.  We ate a lot, which was also great.  B and I rode around one night to look at lights and committed a small act of vandalism, which was fantastic.  Everything went by in a blur.

Next weekend, we will be doing a late Christmas with my family (aka Christmas Round 2), which I am looking forward to.  Cole is uber excited.  After that, Cole will have Christmas Round 3 with his father.  Oh, and I saved back a couple of presents for Cole to open this weekend on New Year's to sort of tide him over...

Logistically, it's been a nightmare.  As my father would say, it's like trying to fit two tons of manure in a one ton truck.  Right now Cole thinks it is great that he gets 3 (or 4) Christmases, but I have a feeling when he is older he is going to hate the holidays. 

Bandages on my legs and my arms from you.

Oh, Fridays.  Why are you so cruel to me?  Fridays always seem oddly long, and leaving work in the middle of a rush is just weird no matter how many times I do it. 

Today, I found myself in a trailer park.  The kind that give trailer parks a bad name.  The kind with abandoned trailers with broken windows and fire damage and hobo kitties wondering around in the street.  The kind that make you wonder exactly how down on your luck you, yourself, would have to be to consider living somewhere like that.  And how many guns it would take to make you feel safe enough to sleep at night.  One of the trailers there caught my eye.  It wasn't the tattered sheets hung in the window as curtains, or the broken out window fixed with duct tape or the neat pile of beer cans that drew my attention to it.  It was the immaculately clean, chromed out Dodge Charger sitting in the driveway. 

Sometimes, I just don't get it.  Not even a little bit. 

On the plus side today, the last of my Christmas shopping came in the mail!  Now all that is left is to do a little baking...  okay, okay.  It's a lot of baking.  But I like baking. I just don't like doing the dishes afterwards.  But, for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.  Unless the recipient of the action is particularly mean, grumpy, or immature; then the reaction is usually way out of proportion. 

I'm actually getting excited!  Christmas is only... seven, er, eight days away?  I've lost count. 

Texas is five days away.  I haven't lost count. 

It's the holiday season, with a whoop-de-do...

You know that it is cold outside when your washing machine freezes. 

Oh, and it has a partially washed load in it.  Which it can't drain the water out of.  Because the drainage pipes are frozen.  I'm guessing by morning, the water in the machine will be, too.  I'm getting a vision of me outside, very cold, with a hair dryer trying to thaw this thing.  Or I could just wait for spring.  Right now it's kind of a toss up. 

I hate winter. 

You're wearing me out.... But I'm wearing you down.

I should be doing something.  I have plenty to choose from.  There's laundry, both the washing of it and the folding of it.  There are at least 6 loads of clean laundry on my couch right now, and I know there are 2 more loads that need to be washed... maybe 3.

There's cleaning up the kitchen.  The past few days I haven't really cooked, so it hasn't needed anything.  But tonight I decided to make fried pork chops and fried apples and have a couple of small fires in the process.  Nothing was harmed, but it did get kinda smokey for a a bit.  Seeing my chef's pan full of fried apples nearly engulfed in flames was... actually, I just thought it was pretty.

There's sweeping the floors.  I cut Cole's hair tonight.  I really just trimmed it up around the edges.  It is long enough to part now even though it is still trying to stick straight up, especially that cowlick in the back that he inherited from me.  Sorry, kiddo, your hair will always be stubborn.  I think the new hairstyle makes him look older.  I'm not sure how I feel about that.

I also could just go to bed.  I've been tired for over a week now and I think my body is revolting against me.  Maybe I'm getting old.  Maybe I'm trying to go into hibernation for the winter.

But instead of any of that, here I am.  I'm not even listening to music right now.  I'm just... here.  I feel like I'm waiting, but I'm not sure for what.  I feel like I'm forgetting something, too, or maybe just that I've forgotten to remember or remembered to forget... 

Laundry and Bones.  Now!

You're tired my love, I feel the same.

It's been a rather long week thus far.  Partly because my work schedule has been abnormal for the last two weeks and I sort of have my days mixed up.  Partly because I'm uber tired from said work schedule and mixed up days.  Partly just because.  And partly because we've been keeping busy. 

Tuesday Cole's usual tae kwon do classes were canceled due to the local Christmas parade.  The street in front of the dojo was shut down.  Plus, the dojo had a float in the parade and all the students got to ride on it!  Cole had a blast waving very energetically. He also kept asking when he was going to get to be like the older kids and hop off the float to break boards in the street.  Oh, and it was cold.  Oh so very, very cold.

Today Cole didn't have his usual tae kwon do classes, either.  Today he tested for his first belt.  So now, Cole is a yellow belt!  He was very excited, and I'm rather proud.

Tomorrow is another day, and then there will be the day after that...  time drags by and passes in a blink.