I've got a theory, it could be bunnies.

I'm having a good week.  I'm exhausted and I've found myself going into anxious overload more than once, but really it's been a good week.  I've been attending Round House since I was 6, missing about 4 years after I graduated from high school and, like everything else in my life, I had mixed feelings about it growing up.  But being in a place with so many who are like minded is incredible.  The people here are amongst the dearest in the world to me, both those that I have know since I could remember and those I have only met and gotten to know more recently. 

Cole loves it, too.  He has close to complete freedom here.  At this exact moment, I actually don't know where he is.  I'm confident that he is inside the building, probably over by the volleyball net that is out of my sight range.  I've probably known precisely where he is for the grand sum of an hour during the days here, and it doesn't worry me at all. 

Perhaps we could get together a start a commune?  No?  Oh, well.  It's a tragically flawed thought. 

People are filtering in for the evening assembly now.  My head hurts from too little sleep, or perhaps too much thought.  It's threatening more rain yet again and the campground is already soggy.  But I'm pretty sure that it's going to be a great night.  Rain boots are my new best friend, though. 

Perhaps I should go find my kiddo. 

And, just in case anyone was wondering, playing phone tag really sucks.  Just sayin'. 

Video killed the radio star.

I can't explain adquately how much threatening me usually backfires. It backfires almost as much as giving me an ultimatium.  Giving me an ultimatium is sort of like a reverse triple dog dare.  You've just guarenteed that whatever it is I have to do "or else"  is not going to be done at any cost.  And I can't be bought.  Well, not for less than $2 million...

Ok, maybe $1 million.  And a house. 

Speaking of, I'd give money to go to sleep within the next ten minutes.  Not gonna happen.  However, this train of thought and the one above it are completley unrelated in anyway. 

Tomorrow we head out on vacation!  Well, Cole has already been on vacation for the last week with my parents, just being at their house.  Round House starts tomorrow and I'm looking forward to seeing friends and enjoying a slightly slower pace than I've been at for the last week.  Cole gone = Julie working like mad.  Which is groovy and all, just not a great thing when combined with little sleep.  I'm getting old.  Cole is excited.  I'm excited.  I had serious doubts that I would actually be able to get everything prepared to go, but what can I say - I'm just awesome. 

Oh, and video may be the greatest invention ever.  At least until someone prefects a teleport.  And if anyone reading this has, you should totally let me know. 

Into the woods to get the thing that makes it worth the journeying.

Life is just a series of moments.  The choice you make in one moment leads to the next... and so on.  It is our choices that make us who we are. 

Sometimes it does't all make sense.  Sometimes it seems random and chaotic.  Even knowing that it is all those past decisions, good or bad, that make us who we are, sometimes it just seems pointless. 

And sometimes you get a moment of clarity, and you know why you've been brought to this point.  Because it took all of the bad to make you into what you needed to be, so that you could truly appreciate the good.  So that you would be who you need to be, to be ready for this exact moment. 

Into the woods but not forgetting why I'm on the journey.

...it's like a cartwheel in my head, but my legs are made of lead.

Written at 2:40am.  But I forgot to publish it before I crawled the 3 feet to my couch and passed out...

I should really be asleep right now.  And since I'm not, I should really be working on something.  Something which is not this.  A long list of somethings, in fact.

The truth is, I just don't want to.  As the philosopher Jagger says, you can't always get what you want.  But, as it turns out, if you try sometimes, you get what you need.

A million and one questions without answers (at least, not answers that I know) course through my head.  But I'm pretty much at terms with the fact that the answers to them won't really have much to any effect on anything at all.  My desire for information is purely academic. 

In the wee small hours of the morning...

My house is clean.  My child has been sleeping soundly for several hours.  All my laundry is clean and put away.  I even (finally) transferred ringtones to and photos from my phone.  At this moment, I have nothing to do. 

But I am awake.

If I think about it for more than 30 seconds, I can come up with a whole long list of things to do.  Clean my car, go grocery shopping, hang up clothes (which I hatehatehate, which is why it's not getting donedonedone.), just to name a very few.  But most of those things must be done tomorrow, not now.  They aren't pressing at the current moment.  Nothing is. 

It's a nice feeling. 

I suppose I should revel in it.  My alarm will ring much sooner than I would like it to.  When it does, my to-do list will be waiting again. 

I am so ashamed of all these unopened doors. 
I am so ashamed of what I have become
that, oh, my heart is bursting again, 
don't leave this mark. 

...rain is falling like rhinestones from the sky.

So, I'm not dead.  I haven't forgotten my blog.  I've just been... distracted.  But in a good way.

Okay, complaining first.  Cole hasn't slept well all week, which translates into I haven't slept well all week.  I am not really sure why.  Last weekend was our bi-monthly trip to Atlanta for him to be with his father.  And he has been restless every night since then, crying out in his sleep and such.  I'd really like to know why, but I don't.  All I can do is treat the symptoms, which is a lousy plan.  Last night he didn't settle down until after midnight.

Now, the good stuff.  Today was Cole's first Tae Kwon Do tournament!  It went very well and he did great.  He was nervous when we first got there, but after a few minutes of practicing he calmed down.  When it came time to compete he didn't hesitate.  He placed second in forms for his division... which only had two in it.  But he really did very well.  In weapons he placed 3rd, out of 4.  There was another white belt, an orange belt and a purple belt that competed against him, though, and they were all 2 years older than him.  Oh, and they were all his classmates. I"m super proud, in case you can't tell!  We now have 2 rather large trophies now that I need to find a place for.  Cole is really proud of them.  His second place one is two-tiered, and he keeps toting it around like a gun... 

In other news, I'm tired.   Cole was rather wound up after he finished at the tourny, but managed to eventually crash and nap in the car and is back to being wound up again, although a bit more manageably this time.  I've felt all week like I have to get a lot of stuff done.  I'm not sure why, aside from having a migraine a couple of days which meant I didn't do anything.  I still feel like I need to get lots of things done, though I'm not sure what all though things are.  Plus, if I stay still, I'm going to fall asleep.  And if I nap now, then I'll be up all night. 

Who am I kidding?  I'll be up half the night anyways.